“Stir Crazy” from the heart

The utube video above refers to my legs and arm…not Marijo

Stir Crazy is a phrase that dates to 1908 according to the Oxford English Dictionary.Used among inmates in prison, it referred to a prisoner who became mentally unbalanced because of prolonged incarceration. It is based upon the slang stir (1851) to mean prison. It is now used to refer to anyone who becomes restless or anxious from feeling trapped and even somewhat claustrophobic in an environment, usually a confined space, perceived to be more static and unengaging than can any longer continue to hold interest, meaning, and value to and for them.

Sorry for the long winded explanation but I found it interesting. Even though I’m approaching my third anniversary of being disabled I guess I’m still pretty new at it all. I was getting a bit anxious in my home during the long winter months as I became more and more housebound. I was on edge, couldn’t figure out what to do with myself, irritable and seemed to go through moments of simply feeling like a dog waiting for their master to come home to take their minds off of the boredom. I announced it’s a vacation we need and soon spring will be here. Good weather allows all sorts of different activities from gardening to washing cars to golfing and sailing to romps in the park with our puppy. Off to the Bahamas for sun filled days of sailing and back home now with Spring well underway. Problem solved…….hmmmm not really as it’s all creeping in on me again. I try to smile and be happy and socialize but I realize I’m missing something very much and it’s maybe what a disabled person seeks the most. Self worth, self value, a sense of purpose for their new detour in life. I need to do more then stare at a computer screen or clean a kitchen or get a meal ready. I want to feel whole again and yearn to understand the road I’m now going down and where it can take me. My doctor in Kingston told me one day a word of caution “Bryan your too smart (don’t laugh) and have too much drive to be content to stare at four walls all day. I think his message is ringing loud and clear now. This is not a pity blog rather from time to time I like to express what’s in my heart. I know there’s a wonderful world out there with many opportunities that I must find for myself. Maybe it’s a return to work or a new activity that I’ve yet to discover. I’ll keep looking….keep smiling and try to keep positive. Life is full of challenges and this is one I must succeed at. The most important thing is I’m loved and have an understanding partner, amazing friend and family.

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