Life choices

shapeimage_2-6Well I’m not often totally serious but for the second time since I have become disabled I am finding myself having to sit down with my thoughts and feelings and decide how far I wish to go with rehabilitation.

Marijo and I just returned from the Ottawa Rehabilitation Center and had a 2 hour assessment from Dr Campbell (intern) and Dr Nancy Dudek. I had been feeling like I had reached the dreaded plateau of recovery concerning my walking abilities. For quite a while now I’ve been telling anyone who would listen that my goal was to walk unaided. Dr Dudek, after asking me tons of questions and putting me through a few physical tests, told me point blank that “if” walking without gait aids was really my goal that I would need to pay the price.

The price, it turns out, is total commitment. Walking 7 days a week, an extensive exercise regime to strengthen my core, right hip and leg so that they are much stronger than they are currently. She said it would be a lot of hard work and that I would have to ask myself to what gain? If I decided I wanted to go to this level she would see me again in 3 months and offer me all her facilities and their expertise.

I have drive. I have fight. I have support from Marijo and family. I think I could live how I am but I still want to improve and feel like I’m throwing in the towel if I stop now.

It is reminiscent of attempting to learn a new language. Your goal is to become fluent until you realize how much dedication it takes.

I have to tell you I’m hurting inside trying to decide if this is what I and want. The thought of throwing in the towel honestly scares me.

Dr. Dudek did say that I have done far more than most folks would do given my situation. She also ended on a softer note and told me that ultimately I can’t make a wrong decision…..but it has to be mine to make. After thinking on it for a few nights I realize that although I might not get to the elite athlete stage of walking, I do hope to continue to improve from where I am now.

So in the words of Dr Dudek…practice, practice, practice….thanks for listening…it helps me.

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